Ghosts

I saw the outline of the back of her figure and thought to myself it could not have been her. But still the absurdity of that scenario drew me to investigate further. I watched as she made a turn and I saw the side of a face that I had once known. My heart raced wildly. Why was she here? This was my world, well apparently not. Whatever the circumstance, I didn't want to see her. Fingers trembling, I ran and hid inside the other room. Ok, she seemed to go into the library, probably to study? So I just sat there for a moment to regain my composure. I'll just wait here for a couple of minutes and promptly make a break for the exit. Surely that was as close as our paths align. Surely not, for the second I finally mustered the courage to exit the room and head for the exit, who should appear exiting simultaneously. Courage shattered, I turned around instantaneously, sat on a table, and just breathed deeply. This is stupid. I cautiously inspected the exterior to ensure there would no longer be anymore of this inversed (perversed) serendipity.

I left and saw her figure moving in the direction opposite to mine and I heaved a heavy sigh, raised my fists against the Moirai, and ... just laughed. This was not the fate I was consigned to and I refuse to accept it. And, suddenly, an all-too-familiar lyric suddenly rang through my ears "það besta sem guð hefur skapað er nýr dagur", from "Viðrar Vel Til Loftárása" by Sigur Rós: "The best thing that God has given us is a new day".

It is a new day, so I won't bother you anymore, ok? I'm still very sorry I did that to you and, while there is nothing I can do to ever change those events, I will try my best to hide in the shadows so that I will one day be forever faded away from your conscious memory. That would probably be the best way to go.

Apparently, ok

Apparently, I'm alive. It's a strange revelation that periodically flashes through my mind, more often lately. I don't really feel alive though. Nay, much more an apparition do I feel ... one moving from one room to another, one hour to the next, with only the incessant noise from the essential contraption connecting the moments. Right now, I'm just waiting ... waiting for me to finish studying the current chapter, for licensing to come up, for that stupid hospital to get back to me about how they didn't think I'd be an appropriate hire three weeks ago. I don't know how much life can really be breathed into the tenuous spaces left in between those crags. I've had many misconceptions in the past. But I sincerely hope that after this final period of waiting (final for the current phase, please spare me the bullshit platitudes of waiting being a continuous function of life, seriously go fuck yourself if you were even tempted to fucking tell me something that trite and cliché ... fuck you [god why am i so mad right now]).

Anyway, here I am, in as much peace as I can be in given the circumstances. I sit on the beach's shore with my arms wrapped around my knees. The waves grow steadily and impact me with greater force and greater heights. I stare into the distance and wait with bated breath for these waxing waves to peak and pass.

Um... I probably didn't express properly what I had initially intended to but... that's ok.